What Do Competent Kids Look Like?

What do Competent Kids Look Like?

Competence:   having suitable or sufficient skill, knowledge, experience for some purpose.

   I’ll start with the above dictionary definition of competence.  It accurately describes competent children to some degree (“having suitable or sufficient skill, knowledge, experience…”).  The second part of the definition, “for some purpose,” needs further explanation.  For what “purpose” would we like children to demonstrate skill and knowledge?  Here is a list of four major areas, described here briefly, to be expanded more fully in later blogs.    

 Emotional Awareness  The competent child is able to label his emotions, and understands that emotions change.  He is aware of feeling sad or angry or delighted!  While any emotion can trigger a reactive response, the competent child understands that sometimes it is best to stop and think before responding.  He has strategies that help him to calm down when feeling stressed.  He laughs out loud and knows the feeling of sheer enjoyment! 

Confidence   “I think I can..”  The competent child has a realistic view of her ability to accomplish tasks, and a willingness to “try harder” when not succeeding.  A “Competent Kid” is willing to attempt new skills and believes that with effort and perseverance she will improve.  The competent child doesn’t have to be the “best”, and while aware of her competitive feelings, can enjoy the successes of others. 

Relationship Skills   The competent child is able to connect with others.  He is willing to communicate his feelings and to listen to the feelings of others.  The competent child learns to deal with conflict, and to negotiate solutions.  He demonstrates empathy and has a desire to help those in need.  All Competent Kids are not outgoing; the child who is more introverted enjoys being with one or two other children and/or adults rather than a large crowd.  The shy competent child knows this about himself and is comfortable spending some time alone, and some time with friends. 

Curiosity   Competent children maintain their natural curiosity to explore the environment and to understand themselves and their world.  The competent child is mindful of his surroundings and notices changes.  She is open to all that is available and is eager to learn.  She is comfortable seeking answers, so can ask questions without fear of being judged. 

Now the next question is:  What do the parents of Competent Children look like? 

I will be writing about parenting skills that help us raise children who are competent; who grow to be competent adults interested in the thoughts and feelings of others, who want to grow and develop, enjoying a variety of interests and activities.  What can we do to foster these traits in our children?